he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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