it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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