I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
