The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
