She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
