...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
