Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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