y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
