he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
