Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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