I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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