Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
