Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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