He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
