when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
