drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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