Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
