Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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