I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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