We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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