I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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