Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
