So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
