Whod you bang
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
