so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
