my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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