So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
