He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
