Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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