You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
