Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
