Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
