some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
True strength comes from lack of pants
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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