omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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