Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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