Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
