He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
