we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
