Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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