U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just cropdusted the office
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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