no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
