Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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