He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
