I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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