Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
