My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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