the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
