My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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