It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
