Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I love how my cats smell like pot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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