i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
